Getting Back To Yourself After Change

It’s safe to say over the last few years, my life has been a bit of a rollercoaster. After living what was a very ‘safe’ life, I made a conscious effort to throw myself into things and push myself well out of my comfort zone. This has led to some amazing experiences, but changing all aspects of your life at the same time, can sometimes feel pretty overwhelming.

Excitment and Anxiety

This time, every part of my life changed at once. I moved, came out of a relationship, left my job and left my new friends. I moved back in with my parents (again), with no real structure to any part of my life. I know I am in a very privileged position to be able to take these risks and try different things, but change is still hard. I’ve learnt so much about myself over the last few years, and even when things haven’t quite gone to plan, it’s always been an adventure.

With change, comes opportunity, but also a wide range of emotions. I have a lot of anxiety about the future and I’m constantly thinking about where I’m going to live, what’s the right next step, and how I am going to find a job I enjoy with no real ‘career history – I talked a lot about this in my previous post ‘What’s a real job anyway‘. On the other side, there is the excitment of all of the opportunities.

‘Learning to choose is hard. Learning to choose well is harder. And learning to choose well in a world of unlimited possibilities is harder still, perhaps too hard.‘ – Barry Schwartz: The Paradox of Choice

I’ve been trying to put my focus into the ‘exciting’ side of things, and not let myself get overwhelmed with anxiety. If all this change is just going to bring about negative feelings, then what’s the point?

What do I Want?

After a relationship ends, I find it strange readjusting to only really having to think about myself. Relationships require a lot of compromise, and sometimes when I come out the otherside, I struggle to know what I actually want. This was most prevelent when my marriage ended, and I realised I had absolutely no idea what I enjoyed doing, or what really made me happy. It took time and a bit of trial and error to find the things that truly brought me joy, but it was definitely worth the journey.

Sometimes it can feel quite overwhelming trying to figure out what I want. Should I settle down and buy a house? Should I go travelling? How do I want to balance work and fun? How much do I need to work/earn to be comfortable? But I’ve been trying to not put too much pressure on myself in the short term, and for now, I’ve just thrown myself back into doing all the things I enjoy.

During my time in Scotland, I hadn’t really had the time, or opportunity (thanks to the Scottish weather), do to a lot of my hobbies. But these last few weeks I’ve been hiking, camping, paddleboarding, booked a holiday and spent time catching up with old friends. Being outside and active is my safe space, and though I know it’s probably not going to lead to having that ‘ah ha’ moment of what I should do next, it gives me the opportunity to think things through and reconnect with all the things I enjoy.

I’ve found that it definitely takes time for things to settle down and to find myself again after big changes. This can be getting into a new routine, working out ways to maintain friendships over distances, or even finding and accepting a slightly different version of yourself – you change, and so do your goals.

Tips for Managing Change

Though I’m certainly no expert, I’ve been through a lot of changes of the years, and here are a few of the things that I’ve found helpful during the turbulent times:

– Lean on your support network: Whether it be family or friends, having people around you that you can turn to when things are tough, makes a huge difference. I’m very lucky that my parents have been incredibly supportive throughout all of my ups and downs. One thing I’ve learnt though is to take people up on their offers of help when you need it. I know for one that I don’t offer people a place to stay, or a lift somewhere, unless I want to do it for them. Someone else said to me recently how it can also be helpful sometimes speaking to someone who it completely removed from your situation, as this can give a very different persepctive.

– Build some structure: Through all of the big changes in my life, having some kind of structure and routine has always helped me to get back on track. Whether it be trying to workout at the same time each morning, writing myself a little daily schedule, or just starting each day with a coffee and five minutes journaling.

– Journal: I’ve found that writing things down, and getting them out of my head, can offer some kind of relief when going through changes or challenging times. I try to journal first thing in a morning, as well as writing down three small things I want to achieve that day, and three things that I’m grateful for. For me, this helps to set me up for a more productive day.

– Get outside: Of course a walk or a dip isn’t going to solve all of your problems, but it certainly helps. Whether it’s for a brief distraction from your thoughts, or to help think things through, I find that being outside always helps to give me some clarity. On the days when I’m not out on a big adventure, I try to go for a short 30min walk around the villiage at a minimum, just to get some fresh air.

– Don’t be too hard on yourself: This is something that I’ve been telling myself a lot lately. As long as you’re taking steps in the right direction, it’s ok. The other day, one of my biggest achievements was getting myself to do this dishes before I went to bed – I was ill, my body was recovering from a 30km hike and I wasn’t in a great headspace. It’s all about the little wins.

Though change can be hard, you just have to start by taking small steps. If thoughts about the future get overwhelming, I’ve found that taking a step back and trying to just be in the present moment can really help.

Happy adventuring x