The Importance of Talking About ‘It’: World Mental Health Day 10th October

Tomorrow is World Mental Health Day and I wanted to share some of the struggles I’ve had, what’s helped me and some amazing projects that are out there to help support people with their mental health through being outdoors.

Let’s Talk About ‘It’

It’s becoming more common for people to open up about their struggles with mental health, yet there is still stigma surrounding it. The Office for National Statistics stated that there were 5219 suicides registered in England in 2021, which is 307 more than in 2020. When it comes to suicide, talking can really make a difference. According to the Mental Health Foundation, asking someone directly if they are having suicidal thoughts, can give them permission to tell you how they are feeling and lets them know that they’re not a burden.

If someone does open up to you, always take them seriously and try to listen to them carefully. You don’t need to solve their problems, just listen, be understanding and if you can, offer support and encourage them to talk about their feelings and encourage them to seek further help and support (there are several numbers for helplines at the bottom of this post).

The Lows:

I have suffered with my mental health for as long as I can remember. Secondary school for me was absolute hell and I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere. I lost myself along the way and it’s only been recently that I’ve started to find myself again. I gave up pretty much everything I enjoyed to try and be accepted, yet looking back, this just made me more miserable. My school was full of cliques (think mean girls) and I didn’t fit into any of them. I was friends with people in each one, and this just wasn’t acceptable in the rules of school. At the time, I cared far too much about what other people thought, but crazily at that age that seems to be the most important thing. I got picked on for being myself, but also picked on when I tried to fit in, it felt like I just couldn’t win. I know I’m not alone in my experiences, but at the time, I felt like the only one who was lost. Through this time I also suffered with horrendous PMS and when I first started my periods, I would have extreme lows for 3 out of 4 weeks a month. I went to the Dr’s and was put on the pill at a very early age to help manage my hormones and the extreme mood swings.

University was a similar experience, where I once again felt like I didn’t fit. I made friends, yet constantly felt like an imposter and my social anxieties started to get worse and worse. I went out, drank a lot and got lost in the freedom of being away from the small village where I grew up. In my second year I met my ex husband, and one of his friends who became one of my closest friends. They were a grounding for me and some of the first people I felt I could start to be myself around. They helped me to start to feel more comfortable in myself and trust in my abilities. If it wasn’t for them, I would never have done as well as I did at uni.

Over the last few years I’ve had many highs and lows. I hit one of my lowest points when I got to the end of my ‘life plan’ and realised that ultimately, it didn’t make me happy. I had a good job, a house, a loving husband..yet things just didn’t feel right. I was frustrated and upset a lot, I was overly stressed at work, I had no idea what I enjoyed doing. We fell into a routine of work, eat, tv…sometimes with the odd short walk around the village in an evening. I really struggled with processing all this, as on paper my life was pretty much perfect, but it just didn’t feel right. After some long conversations, I ended up starting over. My husband and I seperated, we sold the house and I quit my job.

I was scared out of my mind about the choices I was making, but I was also excited at the prospect of all these new opportunities. I just knew that life was too short to to stay in a position where I knew I wasn’t as happy as I could be. From that point it’s been a hell of a rollercoaster, but I don’t regret it at all.

Getting Support:

Not everyone has the same experiences when getting support. The first time I reached out for help from a professional, I remember being sat in the work car park and calling the Dr’s. I tried to explain how I felt, to the best of my ability through the tears. I was initially put on a waiting list and a few months down the line received some over the phone CBT. The structure of this did nothing for me and I found it didn’t really at all, so I carried on as I was, thinking that in a way it was my fault it wasn’t working.

The second time I reached out I was prescribed anti-depressents and put on another waiting list. I started taking the medication, but also decided to try and find my own counsellor, rather than going through the NHS again. A friend had recommended a local service, so I contacted them to enquire. They came back stating that it was £50/per hour and I could start next week. At this point I had just seperated from my ex husband and was trying to live on a very low income. I replied back to them explaining that unfortunately this was currently out of my budget and I would be unable to start the sessions. However I couldn’t believe it when they came back to me saying that they had a trainee who I could see for free. Her style of counselling was perfect for me and I found it a huge help in understanding why I reacted a certain way to things or why I had particular though patterns. For me, understanding these allowed me to recognise and start working on changing them.

There are many different options for support and it’s worth taking the time to figure out what’s right for you. I didn’t stay on my medication for very long, but found the therapy sessions extremely helpful. Then I found the outdoors and that, in a way, became my medicine.

What’s Helped Me?

Going to therapy was definitely one of the things that helped me the most, but the other thing has just been getting outside. Going for a walk or a dip provides such a safe space to be able to talk openly about life and your feelings. Some of my deepest conversations have been had on the tops of peaks or floating about in the sea. I’ve laughed and cried and often opened up to strangers. There’s something about the outdoors community in which you just feel comfortable. It somehow makes it easier to talk about things that you may usually struggle to talk about. I’ve found that many people are also struggling with the same worries and anxieties as I am, and being able to discuss them together. and realise that you’re not alone, is such a relief.

Nearly all of my adventure buddies, and now closes friends, are people that I’ve met through various online channels. You can read more about how I found them here. Meeting people on the same wavelength as me, that I can truly be myself around, has had such a positive impact on my life. Who you spend your time with can really affect your mood and headspace and I’ve found now that the people I surround myself with, really bring out the best in me.

Another thing that’s really helped me over the last few years is being open about where I’m at. I’ve shared an awful lot about my life on instagram and this blog, but I find that writing things down can be so therapeutic, even if you don’t end up sharing it. There are many blog posts I’ve written that have just stayed in my drafts, or I deleted down the line, but the act of just writing it in the first place and getting it out of my head really helped. It also a starting point for those conversations and I’ve often found that when I open up, others start to as well and ultimately you both end up with that release and feel so much better after.

Social Media Screenshots:

With social media, it can be difficult not to compare your life to others. But often people are only showing the best bit’s of their lives, though there are a few who do show both the highs and the lows, which I think can be really helpful. There are always those though that call people out for ‘attention seeking’ and in these times I think it’s so important to remember to just be kind. At the end of the day you have absolutely no idea what someone’s going through, or what might be going on in their head.

I no longer have any notifications on my phone for social media and have set limits and reminders for the amount of time I’m spending on it. I can so easily get sucked into a black hole of scrolling and I NEVER feel better for it. I’m now trying to have a short period of time in both the morning and evening where I use social media, reply to comments and check up what people have been up to. I do my best in between these blocks to spend as little time as possible on them – though I’ve certainly got a long way to go.

When I can feel instagram starting to have more of a negative impact than a positive one, I try to take a break. I do still sometimes get sucked into the trap of comparisons, or getting jealous of adventures that some of the people I know have been on. In these times I’ll try to be productive and either get on with planning something myself, listen to a podcast or call a friend.

Outdoor Social Support Groups:

There are so many different groups out there that help to support people’s mental health by providing a safe space. I’ve listed a few, but there are loads more! If you know of any good ones, drop them in the comments below.

– Mental Health Swims: A peer support group hosted by volunteers, Mental Health Swims is an award-winning community that runs free, safe and inclusive swim meet ups nationwide. I volunteered as a swim host whilst living down in Cornwall and it was such a great experience. You can read more about it and why I signed up, here.

– Black Dog Outdoors: Run by a small team of volunteers, black dog outdoors promotes outdoors exercise to help improve mental health and wellbeing. The website provides a whole host of information and helps to show people what’s out there and gives you the opportunities to develop new skills. They host introductory events aimed at helping to introduce people to new activities, people lacking confidence or people who are looking to meet other likeminded individuals to plan their own adventures. Their introductory events are open to anyone who finds their mental health a barrier to getting outdoors. These are free events that can be registered for through eventbrite. You can check out their upcoming events on their website, which include guided walks (run to support Trail Magazine’s Mountains for the Mind Campaign) and paddles.

– Bluetits: The Bluetits is a swim group, of which there are now around 100,000 dippers worldwide. Bluetits founder, Sian Richardson, started cold water swimming in the Pembrokeshire sea as a new challenge, following years of triathlons, marathons and other extreme sporting events. As the temperatures dropped she squealed and whooped and others came to join her, and so the Bluetits began. They celebrate a love of swimming, adventure, and the sense of community that comes with it. Anyone is welcome to join any of the informal swims arranged in the groups.

– Blue Balls: In what seems to be a pretty female dominated space, Ross and Tom decided to set up Blue Balls Cornwall to help encourage men across the country to join them in discovering the mental health benefits of cold water swimming. This group is specific to Cornwall, however I’m sure there are plenty of other groups to support men out there. Blue Balls Cornwall is closely aligned with Man Down, which offers non-judgemental support groups across Cornwall. Though this group is based in Cornwall, there are other’s popping up across the country, such as edinburghblueballs and bluemindmen.

Support:

Mind: 0300 123 3393

Samaritans: 116 123

Shout: 85258

I am not a professional, but my inbox and emails are always open for anyone who wants to talk.