I first injured my knee back in October 2018. I tore a ligament playing netball and it’s safe to say my knee hasn’t been right since. At the time, I had the support of my husband, both emotionally and financially. I didn’t have to worry about rushing back to work, or getting from A to B. Thankfully it healed enough in a relatively short space of time for me to get back into being fairly active, though unfortunately I haven’t played netball again since.
Other than the odd little niggle and tweak now and then, my knee gave me no real issues until June 2020 when I decided to take myself for my first proper solo hike. I must have put too much weight on it, on the wrong angle, and it just went. I was at the top of the Roaches, the furthest point from my car with no phone signal. I panicked and cried and wondered what the hell I was going to do. I eventually hobbled two hours back to my car and made it home. This was the first time it hit me that I really needed to be more careful, and that there was still an issue with my knee. I bought a strap and became much more aware of where I was walking, my footing and being sure not to put too much weight on my left knee.
Over the last year I have also had several occasions where I’ve woken up in the night and my knee has fully locked. This has been pretty scary and some of the worst pain I’ve felt. The first time it happened I lay there in agony for around 2 hours trying to figure out what to do. I couldn’t move or straighten my leg. I had tried calling and shouting for my housemate, but she used to sleep with earplugs in and couldn’t hear me. I ended up calling 111 who said the only thing they could do was send for an ambulance, however before the ambulance arrived, I managed to unlock my knee and called to cancel it. After these incidents, things would seem fine for a few months, so I kind of just forgot about it and sillily didn’t do anything about it.
When I moved down to Cornwall I once again tweaked my knee, running on the beach. I decided it was finally time to see a physio (probably something I should have done much sooner). She gave my some exercises to strengthen the muscles around my knee, but seemed to think that there was no longer an issue with the ligament.
Fast forward to this week, when walking down the stairs and turning at the bottom, my knee went completely. The pain was excruciating and I couldn’t put any weight on it at all. I sat out the back at work feeling so sorry for myself and had this overwhelming sense of anger at myself for letting this happen. I’d have to cancel my hiking trip in two weeks, I couldn’t go swimming, I couldn’t go to the gym. All the positive things in my life that bring me joy couldn’t happen. I cried, I rang my mum and I let it all sink it.
I reached out to my friends, as I needed a hand getting the 200m down the road back to my house. They bought me snacks and painkillers and made sure I had everything I needed. I went to bed and binged netflix and let me head go in it’s downward spiral. I spoke to my parents again who recommended I go get it checked, but being stubborn I wouldn’t listen. I just wouldn’t accept that I couldn’t go in to work or that I’d have to postpone my trip to Wales. I just told myself if I went to sleep then it would be a lot better in the morning and I’d be healed in no time.
After a terrible nights sleep, I woke realising it was no better and I called 111. They recommended going to the local hospital to get it checked and I once again reached out to my incredible friends who took me with no hesitation. The hospital in Newquay is pretty small, but there was no wait time and I was seen and x-ray’d in record speed. Unfortunately, they couldn’t determine from the x-ray exactly what was wrong, so I’ve been referred to a specialist at a bigger hospital and have an appointment next week to get it scanned. In the meantime, I’ve got crutches and a pretty impressive knee brace.
It’s very difficult to not get caught up in the negatives..all the things I can’t do, that have had to be postponed, the possibility of surgery and even more time out. Even after just a few days I’m missing the gym, my morning dips, exploring on my days off. But I’m choosing to not go down that path. I’m not one who believes in all things happening for a reason. but I do think we have to try to find the positives and things we can learn from the situation. I took a few days away from social media, as it was taking me to a bit of a negative space, but thanks to the support of my friends and family I’m trying to spend my time being productive..sitting in the sun, reading all the books I haven’t had chance to read.
Looking back and writing all this down does make me think I should have done something sooner, got it checked out when I had niggles, seen a physio sooner, followed the exercises more rigorously. But I guess that’s not very helpful now.
The biggest worry for me right now is how long it’s going to be before I can get outside and do the things I love again. The mental impact is the hardest thing to process and very difficult to put into words. I’ve heard a lot of ‘it could worse’, which I know is true, but it also doesn’t really help. The looming thought of potential surgery is pretty scary, but I guess there’s no point worrying about it currently as it may not even happen. I’ve definitely taken a few things from the last few days though….
- Friends and family are everything
- Get your injury’s checked and do your physio!
- Life throws you challenges, you chose how to react to them
So I’m trying my hardest not to wallow. I’m trying to rest, but still keep myself occupied and not fall into a trap of staying in bed and watching trash tv. I’m planning on heading back to work in a few days and see how I get on, but know I need to make sure I don’t take on too much too soon. Onwards and upwards!
Lisa Outdoors 
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